One of the biggest challenges facing both parents and educators today is navigating the balance between when to step in and protect our children, and when to allow them to face adversity and discomfort. Our adult instinct is to try and shield our kids from anything that may upset or harm them, and while the intent is noble, the impact can result in significant transition struggles with their development into adulthood and integration into society. I often reflect on our recent experiences during COVID times, and the old adage ‘time is the wisest of counsellors’ rings true to me about this unique period in history. I believe schools and society’s well-intentioned efforts to protect our children from additional stresses during this vulnerable time, may have inadvertently reduced our children’s resilience or ability to overcome challenges. Our world will not always be patient, kind or forgiving to our students as they become adults, and therefore it is crucial that we equip them with skills and experiences during their time at Kolbe which allows them to embrace challenge and adversity, rather than avoid it.
Recently I had two contrasting experiences with regards to student resilience and accountability. One involved an older student resisting their commitment to attend a significant compulsory College event, due to them feeling uncomfortable and not enjoying the content of the event. There was family support for this decision as they felt pressure to ensure their child did not experience feelings of frustration or discomfort. In a separate scenario, a parent of one of our younger students contacted us after they found out their child made some poor behavioural choices at school a few weeks prior, which we were unaware of. They felt it was important the school was notified so that their child experienced consequence for their action. By doing so, we had the ability to provide a significant learning moment for this child, ensuring we were able to provide accountability for the behaviour, while still emphasising that we love them as a person and student at Kolbe.
Resilience is like a human muscle – the more it is allowed opportunity to be developed, the stronger it becomes. We need to allow our students to ‘wobble’, sit through discomfort, struggle through tasks they don’t enjoy and solve problems without immediate rescuing. If we do everything for our kids, the genuine risk is that they reach adulthood unprepared, falsely assuming that life will always bend to their preferences.
Promoting resilience does not mean withdrawing support. However, it does mean balancing encouragement with accountability. We need to also celebrate their success when they bravely face challenges or complete tasks that do not provide them with instant gratification. The biggest opportunities often present themselves to us every day. Journalist P.J O’Reilly said it beautifully – ‘Everybody wants to save the world, but nobody wants to help Mum or Dad do the dishes!’ If we want our students to be capable of achieving big things in life, we must ensure we let them handle the small things first.